an hour to live, an hour to love

5 Sep

I’m sweating on small stuff once the school starts. Things get on my nerves easily and wind me up. Sometimes I feel depressed and cry for no reasons. No one knows I feel that inside cos I look absolutely normal during day time. Reading and meditating help me a bit on coping with stress and something-i-don’t-even-know that haunts me. Perhaps I desperately need something to help me through this, so it happens. My dear friend and colleague, Michelle, lent me this book the day before:

“If you had one hour to live and could make just one phone call, who would you call? What would you say? Why are you waiting”  – That’s the major questions Richard Carlson raised. He wrote his wife a letter about reflecting on his life, knowing what’s most important to him if he had only one hour to live. The letter was given to his wife on their 18th wedding anniversary. And after a few years, Richard died suddenly on the flight. His wife wrote this book to mourn for her loss and to cherish her husband’s memory.

It’s true that maybe all of us know about all these cliches already. Things that are important aren’t things. Shouldn’t worry about stupid stuff. Life is too short. Stop worrying and start living. I know them too, all, in my logical mind. But somehow I lose control of my mind. I am drown in sorrow (why? I’m healthy. I’m loved by friends and family.I love what I am doing.) It just happens sometimes. Sometimes. But when it happens, it sucks. I tried to talk myself out of it, but it was no use. Maybe I’ll feel better for a while, but it’ll strike back again later, when I am not noticing. I’m not yet enlightened. I’m not staying in the state of eternal bliss. I’m fructuating between heaven and hell, from time to time.

Reading this book does not enlighten me suddenly and changes me to a 100% positive person, but I do get some insights. The two doors – door to breathtaking light or door to the utter darkness, are there for me to choose. I have the power of my choices. If I only had an hour to live, would I still drown in my own sorrow? I bet I won’t. What would I do? Who would I call? Okay. Let’s not wait anymore.

Here’s Richard Carlson’s favourite poem, by Norma Cornett Marek:

Tomorrow Never Comes

If I knew it would be the last time that I’d see you fall asleep,

I would tuck you in more tightly, and pray the Lord your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time that I’d see you walk out the door,

I would give you a hug and a kiss, and call you back for just one more.

If I knew it would be the last time I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise,

I would tape each word and action, and play them back throughout my days.

If  I knew it would be the last time, I would spare an extra minute or two,

To stop and say “I love you,” instead of assuming you know I do.

So just in case tomorrow never comes, and today is all I get,

I’d like to say how much I love you, and I hope we never will forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike,

And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you’re waiting for tomorrow, wy not do it today?

For if tomorrow never comes, you’ll surely regret the day

That you didn’t take that extra time for a smile, a hug or a kiss,

And you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear,

That you love them very much, and you’ll always hold them dear.

Take time to say “I’m sorry,” “Please forgive me,” “thank you” or “it’s okay.”

And if tomorrow never comes, you’ll have no regrets about today.

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